Of Seasons and Love
by sophomoric genius
Summary: One-shot. Autumn. One man walks out of Misao’s life. Another one walks in. R&R pls! Thanks!


> **Of Seasons…and Love**
> 
> by sophomoric genius
> 
> **Disclaimer:** Wish it was, but nope, RK's not mine. sigh
> 
> **Type:** One shot.
> 
> **Summary:** Autumn. One man walks out of Misao's life. Another one walks in.
> 
> A lot of people say that winter is the season of loneliness. Maybe it's because the tress are so bare. Or perhaps because of the sad and slow dance of the snowflakes continuously falling, covering the whole world with its blanket of soft, crunchy, cold white. Or maybe it's the fact that along with the freezing air comes the holidays—and the fact that you've got nobody to spend it with.
> 
> But that's not really the case with me. I have my own season of loneliness. And it's not winter.
> 
> Autumn.
> 
> It's in the air. That feeling where the warmness of summer is long gone but the frigidity of winter is yet to come. Summed up in one word, I'd say autumn's empty. Devoid of life, yet it's not completely dead. Definitely not cheerful, but not exactly miserable either. Just…lonely…I guess. It's nothing but a long transition filled with dry, wilted leaves.
> 
> As if in agreement, a golden brown maple leaf came floating lazily before me. I stared at its seductive movement against the wind, swaying slowly, slowly, until at last it reached the dusty road, the air gently cushioning its fall.
> 
> I closed my eyes and smiled. I can't believe I've been sitting on this tall maple tree for almost an hour now, watching the leaves fall, looking so grave and solemn. People who knew me before would definitely not believe that Makimachi Misao could sit still in one place for an hour, doing and saying absolutely nothing. Jiya used to declare that not even sleep could keep me quiet.
> 
> A soft chuckle unconsciously escaped my throat. If my sixteen-year-old self could see me or hear my thoughts now, I'm sure she wouldn't have recognized me. She would shake me real hard and scream, "What is wrong with you?! Why are you so…old?"
> 
> And I'm only eighteen.
> 
> Yes, yes. I'm still Misao. I'm still the Okashira of the Oniwabanshuu. And usually, I'm still that bouncing, perky, lively girl who just can't seem to learn when to keep her mouth shut. Well, maybe not bouncing—definitely not bouncing. And maybe a teeny bit less perky…but basically, I'm still that girl two years ago…I just sorta…grew up.
> 
> The chuckle turned into a sigh.
> 
> I drew up my knees and hugged them close to my body, the way I often do whenever I suddenly remember something sad or disappointing. It's as if by returning to the position I was during those nine months that I had lived in my mother's womb, I am somehow given back the protective covering that surrounded me then; an invisible shield that blocks out all the troubling thoughts and painful memories that seemed to haunt me every time I am by myself. It's as if by folding and holding my body as close to my chest as possible, I could summon all the heat inside me towards my heart where the horrible, cold emptiness seemed to be eating me from within.
> 
> It has been two years. But there has never been a day since that my mind had not recounted that autumn day. Like a faded photograph, the events folded and unfolded in my head every single day. Right after I wake up. Whenever I glanced at the mirror. Sometimes it comes consciously, like before going to bed. I would lie awake for hours, thinking of him. It's almost like a ritual. There are times though, that it comes unconsciously, just like that time I saw a lady in a beautiful kimono.
> 
> 'Too bad I wouldn't be able to see you grow up to wear a kimono…' 
> 
> His words had echoed through my brain so suddenly that I stood rooted to the ground, unable to hear or even see anything but that recollection. Jiya had to bludgeon me a dozen times before I was able to relieve my senses. Even then, my mind seemed to be occupied by nothing else but him.
> 
> Him, of course, being Shinomori Aoshi.
> 
> For the hundredth time this morning, my mind went back to that autumn day. I had played it over and over in my head for two years but instead of it slowly fading away like most memories do, it just got sharper and clearer each time. Heck, I've memorized all the lines that were uttered, each and every tiny detail, down to the very last maple leaf that fell before his tall, lean frame became a tiny fleck that disappeared in the horizon.
> 
> It was a chilly morning so to keep warm I added a light jump to my every step as I climbed up the temple to fix Aoshi-sama his midday tea. While I prepared the tea, I was thinking how Aoshi-sama looked so thin ever since they returned from that fight with Shishio Makoto. He often refused even Omasu's most delicious dishes. Said he did not have any appetite. _But it has been going on for more than three months now and the man has got to put back some meat into those bones! And Makimichi Misao is going to make sure of that!_
> 
> I was so preoccupied with these thoughts as I prepared the snack that I did not notice the eerie stillness of the temple. I was used to the quiet of Aoshi-sama's sanctuary, and I respect his meditation time so I try my best to minimize my noise and interrupt him only when it is time for his tea. When I had passed by his meditation room and did not find him there, I thought that maybe he was just outside, enjoying the cool breeze. But when it was time for his tea, I went out to look for him but found nobody there either. My calls started getting louder, panic slowly evincing in my voice and face. Where was he? He usually tells me beforehand if he was going away for a day. Or if it were an emergency, he would write her a note saying he would be gone, right? He knew I was coming; I _always_ come. Why wasn't he there? What if…
> 
> After searching the temple inside out for around half a dozen times, making sure I checked every nook and corner any clue as to where he might be, I rushed back to Aoiya to inform Jiya of the crisis. It was jam-packed, as usual, but I had no trouble spotting Jiya over a table filled with ladies, laughing his flirting little head off.
> 
> "Jiya!" I had grabbed him unceremoniously, shaking him hard. "Something's worng. Aoshi-sama's not at the temple! Something bad must've happened! We have to find him, Jiya!!"
> 
> "Caaaalm dooooown, Misao-chaaaan!" Okina's eyes were all swirls, his head jerking back and forth so hard I thought I heard one of his veins crack. Everyone was looking right at me but I didn't care. Aoshi-sama's lost and why everybody else was staring open-mouthed at me instead of rushing out and looking for him was a complete, frustrating mystery to me.
> 
> "Maybe one of Shishio's men is still alive and tried to take revenge on him…" I gasped, finally releasing Okina from my death grip. He fell into a woobly heap on the floor and Shiro, Kuro, Okon and Omasu rushed to him. "What if Aoshi-sama's hurt…or…or…" I turned to face a disoriented Okina trying to stand up, grabbed his shoulders and started shaking him anew. "Jiya, we have to find him!! Send out the birds! Alert everyone! WE HAVE TO FIND HIM!!"
> 
> "But…what if he…er…does not…er…want to be… found…?"
> 
> My head sharply turned towards the owner of the voice, incredulity all over my face. "And why wouldn't he want to be found, Shiro-san?" Shiro gulped, shifted his eyes away from mine and scratched his head. "Anou…well…"
> 
> My frown got deeper and deeper as I surveyed the rest of them. Kuro had suddenly become extremely interested on a piece of dirt on the floor. Omasu was shuffling her feet and Okon was playing with her tray. All of them were carefully avoiding my gaze.
> 
> I narrowed my eyes and opened my mouth but before I could say anything, Okina cleared his throat. I turned to him.
> 
> "He's not hurt, Misao-chan," he said calmly, fixing a stern, steady gaze on me.
> 
> "Then where is he, Jiya? You all know something I don't and you'll tell all of it right now." I had a strong feeling I was not going to like it. My eyes were smarting but I maintained my stare.
> 
> "He's gone, Misao-chan. We have to let him go."
> 
> I guess I had been expecting something of the sort, but still the pain stabbed my heart so hard I thought I would suffocate.
> 
> "Where?" My voice was hard but calm and for a moment I thought it wasn't mine.
> 
> "Misao-chan—"
> 
> "WHERE?!"
> 
> It was Omasu who answered. "He was heading south when he left earlier so my guess would be…"
> 
> But I didn't even finish her sentence. I was out of the Aioya as quickly as I entered it. My legs moved as fast as my muscles would allow them, the tears I had tried to hold back earlier now streamed down my cheeks.
> 
> He's doing it again. Leaving me without even saying goodbye. Why is he always doing this to me?!
> 
> I ran for several minutes, not even stopping to catch my breath. Deep inside I knew he was probably long gone by now but I can't seem to stop. My legs continued to move under me. My tears continued to run down my cheeks. I was now on the outskirts of the town. The sun was high and hot, suggesting that it was almost noon. The houses and buildings of the city were now replaced by almost-bare trees and leaves of gold and brown. The cool wind carried my long braid floating lightly behind the back of neck. I continued to run, wiping away sweat and tears from my eyes. Then, I saw him. At first I thought it was just a mirage but a closer look affirmed that it was that beloved trenchcoat.
> 
> "AOSHI-SAMA!!"
> 
> I stopped a few feet behind him. He stopped walking when he heard my call but he did not turn around. I caught my breath, staring with hopeful delight at his back. Now that I've caught him, I wasn't sure what to say.
> 
> "Where are you going?"
> 
> "Away."
> 
> "Why?"
> 
> Silence. I saw him take a deep breath.
> 
> "I—I thought you were—you said—you promised—you told me—you're gonna stay…"
> 
> Silence.
> 
> "I'm not like Himura."
> 
> "What?"
> 
> "I've found my peace. But not my purpose."
> 
> "What?"
> 
> I was feeling really stupid. My head felt like there was nothing in there but air. _Why couldn't Aoshi-sama just stay here with me? Why can't I keep him?_
> 
> "There are things I have to find for myself. Things I couldn't find staying in just one place."
> 
> He started to walk away.
> 
> "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?" I finally remembered what I was supposed to say. "Why are you always treating me like a kid? I'm not a kid anymore, Aoshi-sama! You can't just leave me like that anymore! If you're leaving then I'm coming with you!"
> 
> He stopped. "If you're not a kid anymore then perhaps you should stop acting like one."
> 
> His voice was not accusing. In fact, it was gentle and kind. So unlike the Aoshi that came several months ago. But still, his words were like an illusory hand crushing what was left of my heart. I could feel myself turning pale.
> 
> "Go back. You have a life back there. I don't." He started walking again.
> 
> My knees gave up on me then and I collapsed on the ground, tears once again streaming down my face.
> 
> "Okina has done a pretty good job of bringing you up. I'd say he needs you almost as much as you need him. Go back to him, Misao. This is something I have to do on my own."
> 
> "But I need _you_." I whispered, staring helplessly at his moving figure. I was sobbing quite hard. My brain was telling my legs to move but they wouldn't budge. He was moving farther and farther away from me and I couldn't do a single damn thing to stop it. I buried my face in my hands and cried my heart out.
> 
> "Too bad I wouldn't be able to see you grow up to wear a kimono…"
> 
> My head shot up. It was soft, like he was saying it more to himself. It was almost like…he was…
> 
> He was but a small figure walking farther down the road. He couldn't have said that; he's too far away. But I couldn't be mistaken. It was his voice.
> 
> And so there I sat, a weak, feeble lump amidst the reds, yellows and golds of autumn.
> 
> And now, here I sit, on a branch of this maple tree, one of the trees that saw my Aoshi-sama walk away and out of my life. I never saw Aoshi-sama again.
> 
> After my eighteenth birthday, Jiya started this weird and very irritating hobby of hunting some boy, introducing him to me and forcing me to "spend some time with others of the opposite sex." Why he found my spending time with Shiro, Kuro and the other boys around the Aioya not enough totally escaped me. After finding out that his latest "friend" was all black and blue after trying unsuccessfully to land his filthy lips on mine, this hobby suddenly became a full-time job.
> 
> Appalled and totally disgusted with this project of his, I faced Jiya and threatened to shave off his goatee once he's asleep if he didn't stop this nonsense at once. He agreed, but on the condition that I "let go of Aoshi."
> 
> But how on earth could I let him go? I love him.
> 
> They say that time heals all wounds. It's been two years now but my love for Aoshi-sama is still there. I couldn't erase it just like that. And even if I could, I wouldn't. It would be like removing him completely from my memories and I wouldn't even think of that. Aoshi-sama's a huge part of my life and I simply couldn't help loving him.
> 
> But I suppose Jiya's got a point. There's no use wasting all my life waiting for a man that may or may not return. I'll still love him, there's no point in trying to do otherwise, but I guess I should try to open my mind to other "possibilities," as Jiya puts it.
> 
> I stretched my legs and allowed them to dangle freely from the branch, staring blankly at the sky, deep in thought. I was swinging my legs when my sandals suddenly flew out of my feet and soar high in the air. I just stared at the small footwear making a small arc before descending to hit…
> 
> …someone's head.
> 
> I let out a gasp. I immediately jumped down from the tree and rushed over.
> 
> "Itai…" I heard the boy murmur, a hand rubbing his head.
> 
> "Hontoni gomen nasai!" I apologized sheepishly, bowing low. "It just flew out and I didn't notice you…"
> 
> "Iya…it's okay…I was getting used to the leaves falling on my head since it's autumn but I never imagined getting hit by sandals," he told me good-naturedly.
> 
> I straightened up and looked at him. He was a few inches taller than me, with chestnut brown hair and warm brown eyes and a soft, friendly smile. I smiled back.
> 
> "Kirei, ne?" He was looking at the setting sun.
> 
> "Huh?" I turned my eyes to the direction of his gaze.
> 
> "Autumn. It's beautiful, isn't it? The old leaves fall in order to make way for new ones. The tree remains the same though, and I'd like to think that the tree carries with it the memories of its past even as new ones develop. It may not be life, but it's not death either…instead, it's letting go and holding on at the same time… You probably think I'm crazy by now."
> 
> "No…believe it or not, I'd say it makes perfect sense to me." For some reason, his comment was an exceptional fit to my sentiments just moments earlier. But he couldn't have read my thoughts. In fact, I have a hunch he's actually dwelling on his own memories.
> 
> I closed my eyes for a moment, a small smile lightly in my lips. When I opened my eyes again, I found him looking curiously at me. I grinned at him and held out my hand.
> 
> "Atashiwa Makimachi Misao."
> 
> He looked at my hand for a second before reaching out his. "Seta Soujirou. Hajimashite." He smiled again, this time with his eyes closed.
> 
> "It's nice to meet you too."
> 
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> **Author's Notes:** I'm back. Well, I know Aoshi didn't really leave Aioya, ok? This is just what-could've-happened-if-he-did. No flames about that, okie? Thanks. I've been gone and out of fanfic business for quite a long time and I'm not really sure if this is a satisfactory fic. YOU rate it, please? For those who read _For Her Smile_, my other fic I'm not really sure if I'm to continue it. Frankly speaking, I've lost interest in it because it did not go as I originally intended it. Now, I have no idea how to finish it. sigh So instead, I made this. Hope you like this one! Please READ AND REVIEW!! Constructive criticism greatly appreciated! Thankies!


End file.
